NAME: Doug S.

PHYSICAL AGE: 31

EMOTIONAL AGE: 17

LOCATION: drunk in any bar on the east coast

The Matrix

quotes



DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS:

  • false teeth
  • born-again Christian
  • thinning hair (shiny scalp)
  • loud close talker
  • diehard U2 fan
  • smokes pot instead of breathing air

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

Here we have your typical Christian male - held onto his virginity until he was 22, then made up for lost time whenever and wherever possible. (Proudest moment: passing a 40 year old woman while driving on the Massachusetts Turnpike, making eye contact, and then meeting her for sex in a hotel room a few miles later.)

Is very sincere and mature in his speech, but this is a side effect from the large quantities of pot smoked. Broke up with me on the third day of a week-long vacation, then proceeded to say that I had to move out of the apartment that I had found for us because he didn't see any reason for him to be the one to leave. Claims his decision was based on the fact that he didn't think I shared his strong convictions in God and the Bible. Within two weeks had sex with three of the under-21 hostesses at his job, plus a 40+ woman he saw sitting at the bar.

Never returned my security deposit.